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How much jealousy is too much jealousy? 3 ways to help

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HOUSTON (FOX 26) -

Everyone isjealous at times; in fact, jealousy was an important survival instinct for ourancestors. Jealousy motivated the solution to mate poaching which helpedprotect families.  In a low level formjealousy is healthy. It symbolizes your depth of feeling for your partner andhelps your partner feel more desired and loved.  However, when jealousy becomes chronic,debilitating and acted out it becomes a problem. Stalking, doing damage toproperty or threatening people's lives due to your feelings of jealousy is notnormal, and is a red flag of a mentally unhealthy person. People who arecontrolling, abusive and insecure take jealousy to a dangerous level.

 

One of the biggestproblems with jealousy is dealing with it in healthy ways when you feel it.Couples don't always admit to feeling jealous because they were taught that it'sa sign of weakness or insecurity. Trying to hide the feeling doesn't make it goaway. When the jealousy you feel is at a low level saying things such as, "Didyou see the way that women looked at you?" "Man, I better hold on to youtighter" lets your partner know you noticed someone looking at them, and yetdisarms the situation. Your partner will end up feeling more desired by you,and you will feel more in control of your feelings. On the other hand, blamingyour partner for giving the woman a look or something else will usually end ina fight with you losing control over your jealousy.

 

Disarmingworks best if you are mildly jealous. However, when you've had a stressful dayand feel overwhelmed, making light of your feelings is not always possible.There are 3 things you can do that quickly bring you back to being in control.A reminder; these three tips work for normal jealousy that all of us feel. Ifyou have the sort of jealousy that needs more help, counseling is the bestoption available. There are usually deeper unresolved concerns that needprofessional help.

 

  1. Make yourbody act its most adult self. Your thoughts react to your body posture. If youbegin pointing your finger, insulting your partner or acting like a toddler,your thoughts will regress as well. Sit up, slow your breathing, and takecontrol of your thoughts. Going with the thoughts into a crazy rage will worsenyour relationship, marriage, and your feelings about yourself.
  2. Be as directas possible with your partner. Admit honestly to them and don't be embarrassedwith how you feel. Tell them, "I feel jealous when ………" A supportive partnerwill listen and react with sensitivity to your feelings of insecurity when thisparticular person is in sight (there is a problem though if you have thisfeeling often with your partner).
  3. Instead ofletting your thoughts run wild with jealousy toward your partner, ask yourselfwhy am I so outraged. Were you betrayed in the past? You may have had oldissues triggered by a specific look or text. What boundary was crossed? Is therea hidden boundary or sensitive area in your personal life that wasn't discussedwith your partner? Everyone has different degrees of boundaries aroundthemselves and their relationship. For some the boundaries are more limitedthan for others. Talking to your partner about boundaries can end jealousconflicts.

 

Jealousy isnormal, and can be helpful as long as the person feeling it remains in control.When you allow your jealousy to control you, you become a victim of your ownmaking. Destructive jealousy kills love, and families. If your jealousy is sotoxic that you no longer trust anyone, it's time to get professional help. Youcannot cure jealousy by finding the right partner; no such person exists.

-Mary JoRapini

 

For more information or youFREE MONTHLY RELATIONSHIP TIPS: www.maryjorapini.com

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Mind, Body, Soul withMary Jo happens every Monday and Thursday morning 9 A.M. CST on Fox 26 MorningNews.

 

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