there was an article in several marital journals as well as SmartMarriages.com
suggesting that if only one of the partners of a troubled couple came to
therapy it could save the marriage. The study showed higher improvement if the
partner was a woman with a willing spouse who would do the assignments with
her. This was somewhat surprising as traditional marital therapy is focused on
the couple. Many times if one partner changes their reactions or their
communication style the couple benefits.
become frustrated in their marriage they will look outside the marriage for
healing, however focusing on what you are doing personally is usually the
answer. Below are six suggestions women can do that will create a chain
reaction of positivity in their marriage. These changes may feel awkward when
you first begin them, but if you continue you will see your partner begin
changing the way they communicate with you. The number one killer of marriage
is an inability to communicate successfully. Therefore it is no surprise the
number one change has to do with communication.
- Be direct in your communication. Women
may feel uncomfortable with being direct and therefore use hints or
suggestions. This may be a helpful tactic when communicating with other women,
but not men. Be direct with your partner and tell them exactly what you need.
- Watch your tone of voice. Husbands
can ignore or tune out a lot, but they cannot ignore the tone of voice in which
you address them. When women become frustrated, or feel as though their partner
is another child, they may address their husband as a child, with scolding or
belittling. This has a derogative effect on men and the way they feel about
- Be mindful of a passive or aggressive
communication style. Women are not socialized to be angry so when they feel
angry they may use the silent treatment or resort to harping on a specific
point. Neither of these tactics is helpful. If you aren't getting through to
your husband the best tactic is to find a time that is quiet, and addresses the
issue directly. Ask him how he likes you to communicate with him. Sometimes he
won't know how, but he can tell you what he doesn't like. This is an
opportunity for you to get closer with each other and explore other options.
- Avoid giving in to avoid a conflict
if your need is important to you. Unhappy couples argue the same amount as
happy couples. They do it differently. When women give in or never address
their real concerns due to keeping peace, they grow resentful. This makes them
more likely to be harsh, bitter and angry in the relationship.
- Make sex a priority. Many times women feel as though sex isn't as
important as other forms of communication but this isn't true. All forms of
communication are important in a healthy relationship. Intimacy and sex are
important for healthy bodies, minds, and souls. Intimacy with our spouse tells
them they are needed, loved and desired. These three qualities are the glue of
a healthy marriage.
- Verbalize your appreciation often.
Women are more verbal than men and that can work well when creating a healthy
marriage. Focus on saying at least three positives to your partner each day.
Wives words have an incredible influence on how husbands feel in their
marriage. Some days will be more difficult than others to think of three
positives, but we usually find what we seek.
requires works from both partners every day to be successful. It is encouraging
to see how small changes will improve a troubled marriage within weeks. The
behaviors listed above are indicators for people who have successful marriages.
If you feel that your partner and you have grown apart, working on these six
behaviors may be enough to jump start your marriage and help to get it back on
course. The first and toughest changes are always the changes we must make
within ourselves. –Mary Jo Rapini
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