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PUMA: Previously Married and Attractive Men

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When you hear the word Puma, you may think of anathletic shoe or a cougar's little sister, but in the UK it is taking on a newmeaning. A Puma is a previously married and attractive man that women who wantto get married seek to find. These women are choosing experience over youth,and they believe that divorced men make better husbands. In the UK, where theinitial survey was done, they found more than half a million women would ratherdate a mature man than someone younger than them. The women were particularlyinterested when the guy was divorced, citing reasons that men who are once marriedare more sensitive, understanding and know the "rules" of marriage more thantheir never married counterparts.

The marital research in the U.S. does not supportthe U.K.'s puma-thinking philosophy. Marital research in the U.S. gives secondmarriages a more doomed future than first marriages. Psychology Today statedthat 60% of second marriages fail. They fail more quickly than first timemarriages. After ten years, 37% have dissolved compared to 30% of firstmarriages.

Marital research suggests that couples that wait atleast three years after a divorce to begin dating seriously, and eventuallygetting re-married, have a better chance of staying together and being content.Below are several suggestions that can help you secure your marriage a secondtime if re-marriage is in your future.

  1. Know and accept responsibility forwhat happened in your first marriage leading to divorce. People who marry stillbelieving it was their ex's fault that they divorced are not good spousematerial.
  2. Have clear rules and boundaries withthe ex, and understand your parenting role if there are children. Re-marriagescannot support weight of baggage from your first marriage.
  3. Money is the main issue that causesbreakup from a second marriage, so make sure your finances are talked about,and handled responsibly.
  4. People who are in second and thirdmarriage are less likely to be forgiving and believe in the commitment ofmarriage. Therefore, they walk away sooner. This makes sense if you putyourself in their position. They can no longer honestly say, "Divorce is not anoption." It was an option in the past, and it can be again. If you want total commitment,you have to work harder to protect it than you may have in a firstmarriage. 

Just as pre-marital counseling helpssecure first time marriages; it can also help secure re-marriages. Counselinghelps the couple define the areas of struggle and provides healthier options todeal with them. Being divorced one time can happen, but if there is a second orthird time, the problem may not be your ex. Look in the mirror and be honest prior to re-marriage.–Mary Jo Rapini

 

For more information or you FREEMONTHLY RELATIONSHIP TIPS: www.maryjorapini.com

Podcasts:

http://ustre.am/PLWS  Struggling withlow libido in your relationship

Married with small children at homeand keeping your relationship close http://traffic.libsyn.com/sexandintimacy/MJR_ep_01.mp3

Improving your body image http://traffic.libsyn.com/sexandintimacy/MJR_ep_04.mp3

Talk tome on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini

Tweetme: @ Mary Jo Rapini

Join meweekday Mornings for "Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo" on Fox 26 Houston at 9A.M.

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