Do Good Moms Make Bad Wives? - Houston weather, traffic, news | FOX 26 | MyFoxHouston

Do Good Moms Make Bad Wives?

Posted: Updated:

I was joking with a couple of my friends last week when theytold me that their husbands were more attached to their dogs than they were tothem. They went on to say that they hold the dogs on their lap, take themeverywhere they go, and bring home treats for them. These women were kidding ofcourse, but there was some truth in what they were saying, and you could hearthe hurt. As I sat listening, I thought about many of the couples that come infor help for their marriage, and there seems to be a common situation with whatmy friends were saying. The women haven't replaced their husbands with thefamily dog, but they sometimes replace time spent with their husbands doting ontheir kids.

I'm not talking about moms who are involved with their kidsand their spouse. There is a finebalance there, and every family with kids struggles with keeping date nightsand weekends away with their husband while still maintaining their role as mom.However, when you begin having an emotionally exclusive relationship withyour kids, keeping dad out, and sharing feelings that you should be sharingwith your adult partner, you can actually harm your kids. These moms may appear as though they are super moms, and the envy ofother moms who don't have the same closeness with their kids, but many timesthese moms are hovering, stifling and actually preventing their child fromlearning rules, consequences and appropriate boundaries. These are the samemoms who struggle with seeing the wrong their child did, and try to blame otherchildren when their child messes up. These are also the same moms who maybelittle their husband (their child's father), causing a "one up" typesituation.

These "good moms" may have begun motherhood with idealisticthoughts that having a baby would make their marriage more romantic and close.When their partner became resentful of their constant wooing over the babyinstead of wooing over him, they may have withdrawn. Sometimes the "good mom"syndrome begins when mom had faulty parenting and she repeats the pattern, orif she feels that she isn't close enough to her parents, she may transfer hersadness on to the baby and become "uber mom." Trying to be perfect is tied intothis syndrome as well.  Remember, mostchildren have a natural tendency to try and be better if they aren't gettingthe attention they need. This is wired in early, and adults act it out all ofthe time. If you have ever met one of these "good moms," you know when theybring cupcakes the cupcakes will be the most fantastic looking cupcakes youhave ever seen.

Everyone understands if you want more of something, whetherit is more inclusion or more attention, you need to engage. However, when dadsbegin feeling distant from their wives' doting affection they move further awayrather than closer. This actually seals the deal for mom and child even more.She needs more attention, more of a sense of being needed, and if a child isoffered attention from a parent, they cannot determine if it is appropriate ornot, so they gratefully accept. 

If you feel as though your life is consumed with your child,and you know longer remember when your last "date" was with your husband, thenit's time to make changes. These suggestions can help.

  1. Make plans to get out of town with your husband.This is the single best thing you can do for your child and your marriage.
  2. Whenever possible begin leaving your husbandwith your child. Dads need to be alone to do things their way so their childcan know him.
  3. When your husband is caring for your child donot monitor or criticize the way he does things. Instead, focus on beingcurious.  Curiosity is gentle and makespeople feel loved and special.
  4. Let dad help enforce boundaries regardingbedtime, mealtime, and mom and dad time.
  5. Make sure you hug your husband as much as you doyour child. Kids need to see mom and dad loving each other with hugs and touch.When kids know mom and dad are close it relieves anxiety and stress for them.
  6. When given a choice of baking a perfect cake orgoing out with your child's dad, buy the cake and go out on a date.

We all want to begood parents for our children, but when your children take over your life, andyou no longer have alone time with your spouse everyone loses. Kids needboundaries, and they need parents to enforce them. Parents can hurt theirchildren when they discuss issues that are emotionally inappropriate for theirchildren. Couples need to continue sharing emotions, experiences and childrearing together as a couple. One of the worst things you can do to your child isto disregard or insult their other parent. Keep your marriage vows sacred, yourcommunication private and let your children grow up around your marriage. Themarriage is what gives life to the family; the couple creates the marriagetogether. –Mary Jo Rapini

For more information or you FREEMONTHLY RELATIONSHIP TIPS: www.maryjorapini.com

Podcasts:

http://ustre.am/PLWS  Struggling withlow libido in your relationship

Married with small children at homeand keeping your relationship close http://traffic.libsyn.com/sexandintimacy/MJR_ep_01.mp3

Improving your body image http://traffic.libsyn.com/sexandintimacy/MJR_ep_04.mp3

Talk tome on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini

Tweetme: @ Mary Jo Rapini

Join meweekday Mornings for "Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo" on Fox 26 Houston at 9A.M.

  • Mary Jo RapiniMore>>

  • 'Chilling out' can save your life - 5 ways to cut yourself some slack

    'Chilling out' can save your life - 5 ways to cut yourself some slack

    Thursday, April 17 2014 10:48 AM EDT2014-04-17 14:48:35 GMT
    Psychology researcher Dr. Nicolas Rohleder Ph.D, along with three of his research postdoctoral students, report that being unable to deal with psychological stress can cause major harm to our bodies. They
    Psychology researcher Dr. Nicolas Rohleder Ph.D, along with three of his research postdoctoral students, report that being unable to deal with psychological stress can cause major harm to our bodies. They
  • Do You Have a Favorite Child?

    Do You Have a Favorite Child?

    Monday, April 14 2014 2:11 PM EDT2014-04-14 18:11:21 GMT
    Time magazine ran an interesting article and it stated that having a favorite child is hard wired into us. For genetic survival it goes on to say the firstborn and the youngest are usually favored for different
    Time magazine ran an interesting article and it stated that having a favorite child is hard wired into us. For genetic survival it goes on to say the firstborn and the youngest are usually favored for different
  • Selfies a reflection of who we are to ourselves and the world

    Selfies a reflection of who we are to ourselves and the world

    Thursday, April 10 2014 11:09 AM EDT2014-04-10 15:09:56 GMT
    The term selfie came about in 2005, and the name was first coined by Jim Krause in a book he wrote describing the advantages of selfies. They could be taken anywhere, anytime, and they are a convenient
    The term selfie came about in 2005, and the name was first coined by Jim Krause in a book he wrote describing the advantages of selfies. They could be taken anywhere, anytime, and they are a convenient
Powered by WorldNow

KRIV FOX 26
4261 Southwest Freeway
Houston, TX 77027

Phone: (713) 479-2801
Fax: (713) 479-2859

Didn't find what you were looking for?
All content © Copyright 2000 - 2014 Fox Television Stations, Inc. and Worldnow. All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Ad Choices