I don't watch The Bachelor, although many of my friends do.My single girlfriends love it as well as my married girlfriends. They talkabout The Bachelor and fantasize that they too could be the one who thisbachelor chooses. I don't really understand it, because most of these women whotalk about it are good looking and with someone who is so much better than anyof the bachelors they rave about. There is one common thread every friend ofmine has talked about related to the show. That common thread is, "Why do thesewomen on the show delude themselves into thinking the bachelor really willchoose them?" The viewers (my female friends) have told me it is apparent thatthe bachelor does not feel anything for these women, but yet the women areconvinced they are the one.
There is a popular book that has been released for severalyears called, "He's Just Not That Into You." A movie was made to drive thepoint home even more. A male friend of mine asked me this question last week,"Why do women (although he admitted it happens to men as well) fall in stupidinstead of love?" It is a good question, because every person I know haswitnessed this phenomenon, and we all have been woken up at night with a cryingfriend after they got the message that someone they thought loved them, didn't.I believe it happens more to women, because women are more emotional withanalyzing everything ever said by someone they value. You can see this when agirlfriend is talking to you. They will go over every detail with reciting notonly words, but body position, tone of voice, intonation of syllables andpauses. Most guys do not do this. In fact, the majority of guys won't rememberthe exact words unless it has to do with their ability to perform or theysuffer from anxiety.
Women who see love where there is none are moreaccommodating of getting less from a relationship than women who are realistic.These women seem to make excuses for the guy of why he cannot pay for a date,show up for a birthday celebration, show them respect, or whatever else heisn't doing that a boyfriends should do. They will settle for less and continuethe image that this guy really does care for them. It becomes embarrassing andawkward to the friends who stand by and want to shake their girlfriends intoreality. Nothing at this point helps shatter the fantasy until the guy comesout directly and says, "I don't want you around me anymore" or somethingequally as harsh.
If your friends are accusing you of seeing love where thereis none, these suggestions may help you determine if you are being duped byyour own fantasy filled lenses. A yes to even one or two of these is too many.
A guy who isn't into you doesn't want to discussfeelings or say that he loves you. If he tells you he doesn't love you ordoesn't see you both together, believe him. You cannot make him change hismind.
If a guy doesn't respect you, he isn't intoyou…period. Don't make excuses for disrespect. Ever.
If he is too busy to see you or doesn't want toaccompany you someplace due to his work, it means he doesn't want to be withyou.
If he treats you like the plague in public, butis all over you in private, let him go. He doesn't care how you feel and won'tbe sensitive to your feelings.
If he is married or has a girlfriend he promisesto dump, he is not that in to you. He is using you, no matter if he tells youhis wife/girlfriend is crazy or psychotic. He is probably telling them the samething about this crazy woman who is after him.
He stops calling and will only text. Soon heeven stops that as a form of communication and infrequently shows up.
He doesn't want to spend time with your familyor your friends.
His dates are never planned, and you guys justhappen to hook up.
He encourages you to date others (always a badsign…he is either a swinger or seeing others).
His dates include late night calls or calls whenhe is depressed or inebriated.
So what causes women to see love when there isn't any? Mostof the responsibility is on the woman. She has a fantasy of what her guy willlook like and be like. She forgets to take a realistic look at herself and askthe question, "Do we match?" Much of dating is about evaluating your own valuesand attributes prior to searching for them in another. If you can do thathonestly, you have a much better chance at seeing love where it truly exists.–Mary Jo Rapini
Tuesday, May 21 2013 10:21 AM EDT2013-05-21 14:21:20 GMT
I see couples every day who are referred for help with their intimacy and sex life. There are numerous medications and treatments that can help minimize sexual dysfunctions. Resolving past conflicts and
I see couples every day who are referred for help with their intimacy and sex life. There are numerous medications and treatments that can help minimize sexual dysfunctions. Resolving past conflicts and
Monday, May 13 2013 4:51 PM EDT2013-05-13 20:51:45 GMT
There is a disorder that is making more and more sense into why couples break up. The personality trait is called "Alexithymia."
There is a disorder that is making more and more sense into why couples break up. The personality trait is called "Alexithymia," and it renders the person it affects unable to communicate their feelings or understand their feelings as well as their partner's.
Thursday, May 9 2013 8:44 AM EDT2013-05-09 12:44:22 GMT
When we think of suicide we think of young adults; adolescents who have lost their way and are addicts or young people who suffer a huge blow and no longer have a family to go home to or a place to live.
When we think of suicide we think of young adults; adolescents who have lost their way and are addicts or young people who suffer a huge blow and no longer have a family to go home to or a place to live.
Monday, May 6 2013 2:26 PM EDT2013-05-06 18:26:34 GMT
Parents worry about self-esteem with their children. A low self-esteem is correlated with poor academic and personal development.
Parents worry about self-esteem with their children. A low self-esteem is correlated with poor academic and personal development. Building a healthy self-esteem takes years, and parents, teachers and the child's community help foster the child growing up to feel good about him or herself. Part of self-esteem is learning self-respect. You aren't born with an understanding of self-respect, so the people closest to you model and teach you this characteristic.
Monday, April 8 2013 7:23 AM EDT2013-04-08 11:23:29 GMT
A colleague of mine asked me last week if married couples really do develop such a thing as the seven year itch. He had been talking to his buddies the night before and some of them were referring to feeling
A colleague of mine asked me last week if married couples really do develop such a thing as the seven year itch. He had been talking to his buddies the night before and some of them were referring to feeling
Thursday, March 14 2013 9:50 AM EDT2013-03-14 13:50:19 GMT
The ratio of new marriages to divorce is 2:1 according to the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention). That means for every two marriages that occur there is one divorce. Divorce ranked number
The ratio of new marriages to divorce is 2:1 according to the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention). That means for every two marriages that occur there is one divorce. Divorce ranked number
Tuesday, March 12 2013 1:56 PM EDT2013-03-12 17:56:05 GMT
There has been almost an epidemic of recent stories about female teachers having sex with their students. Almost every state in the United States is reporting these stories, and everyone is asking the
There has been almost an epidemic of recent stories about female teachers having sex with their students. Almost every state in the United States is reporting these stories, and everyone is asking the
Monday, March 4 2013 3:38 PM EST2013-03-04 20:38:06 GMT
If you tweet on Twitter, you will see many #Thighgap. There is always something new, and it appears thigh gap is the new way girls are comparing themselves with one another to feel thin and pretty. Thigh
If you tweet on Twitter, you will see many #Thighgap. There is always something new, and it appears thigh gap is the new way girls are comparing themselves with one another to feel thin and pretty. Thigh
Tuesday, February 12 2013 4:48 PM EST2013-02-12 21:48:37 GMT
February is teen violence awareness month, and with Chris Brown's recent court date following abuse charges from his girlfriend Rhianna, it draws out attention to the topic of abuse and dating. A recent
February is teen violence awareness month, and with Chris Brown's recent court date following abuse charges from his girlfriend Rhianna, it draws out attention to the topic of abuse and dating. A recent
Tuesday, February 12 2013 4:47 PM EST2013-02-12 21:47:48 GMT
Marriage research has listed finances as one of the top three reasons couples get into trouble. Couples who begin to struggle with money issues are having problems at a deeper level than the cost of the
Marriage research has listed finances as one of the top three reasons couples get into trouble. Couples who begin to struggle with money issues are having problems at a deeper level than the cost of the
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