It's difficult to feel secure if you believe your partner is still in love with their ex. You ask them and they deny it, but you find hints that suggest they may be lying or not in touch with their real feelings.
There are subtle cues that may be a warning for you to slow down and not push a relationship further with them. In time they may work through these, but trying to rush them before they let go of their ex will affect your relationship negatively.
Many of the conflicts I see couples working through are related to one of the partners not fully letting go of an ex from their past. Here are warning signs that appear most frequently when one of the partners is still attached to their ex.
1. Your partner talks about and compares your relationship constantly to their past one. Not only do they talk about it, but they go on and on with the detail.
2. You find your partner going to their ex's website, FB page or re-reading old emails or texts.
3. Your partner keeps photos and other mementos of their ex. Everyone has a time of letting go of old photos, receipts or programs from events attended. If you find an abundance of these, it is best to give space to your partner.
4. Your partner is on and off again with you. This is a definite red flag.
5. Your partner tells you they aren't ready for a commitment with you.
6. Your partner tells you they will never feel about another person like they did their ex.
7. Your partner is wounded and jealous when their ex is with someone new. The red flag that is the most significant I did not list. It isn't listed because it depends on the emotional security and stability of the person who is dating someone who isn't ready to let go of their ex. This one red flag is your gut feeling.
When your partner hasn't let go of their ex, it is highly likely that you will sense a tenseness in your gut.
If you get this sense, or you notice your partner engaging in any of the above actions it is always wise to address it directly.
Pushing it under the rug, or not saying anything usually does not help. Talking about it, giving space, and staying invested in your own life, will help you no matter what happens in this relationship.
Getting over someone takes a long time, and the depth of the relationships determines how much time.
Never put yourself into a situation where you are waiting for someone else to get over someone else.
If you rush them, and they become committed to you without letting go of the past, you will suffer conflicts and baggage that don't belong to you or this relationship. Telling them that you respect them and will allow them space makes you appear confident, honest, and whole. When he or she is ready they will remember your words and be drawn to the person who spoke them. –Mary Jo Rapini
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