Many times when couples are conflicted there is blaming inthe marriage. He did this, or she did that.
The new trend is not so muchblaming, but for lack of a better word, couples are tired. They let many issuesslide under the rug, and helpful words are never voiced. They are too tired toput up a fight, get engaged, or share intimacy.
The only intimacy eitherpartner experiences is with their child or their virtual friends.
Unfortunatelythis leaves a gap in their most intimate relationship with their partner. If weall could work less, or scale down this would help with the bills and incessantneed to do more, do it quicker and do it at all hours of the days.
The majorityof couples I counsel have less than one hour of "down time" built into theirschedule. This is especially true for women, and is why the relationship beginsto unravel.
When couples become too tired to care about their mostintimate relationships, those aren't the only relationships that are affected.
Usually their kids feel more rushed and pressured from the tension between momand dad and as it intensifies. Friends of the couple begin noticing theirritability between them.
It becomes a ripple effect because the relationshipswith our loved ones are where our greatest happiness comes from. It's not thestuff you buy, or the status you share in the community but your most intimaterelationships that make you feel connected, safe and secure.
Tiredness is alsolinked to depression and anxiety and therapists are seeing more and more ofthese emotions with their troubled couples. For one couple when I suggested a romantic get-away they both looked atme and said, "Oh no, who will plan that for us?" I curiously responded thatusually the couple enjoys planning these together to which they responded, "Wedon't have the energy."
A therapist can help guide you when your relationshipbecomes conflicted; however it is up to each couple to intervene with a changewhen they first notice problems.
If the couple can notice signs that theirrelationship is unraveling and work together to make changes before it worsens,therapy may not be necessary. Below area few signs that your partner and you may need to prioritize your shared timebefore it unravels your relationship:
If you see yourself failing on any of these it would be wiseto begin making changes now. It doesn't require a lot of time, but it doesdemand that you put yourself and your partner before your work. If you haveonly minutes in the day to share, better you share those minutes with yourpartner. Here are a few suggestions:
With the advancement of technology there is never a time wecannot work. This makes it imperative that couples reserve time for themselvesand their relationship.
All relationships require time, and if you are givingthe majority of your time to work and other projects leaving you too pooped tolove your partner, it is time to re-evaluate. The old saying that your workcan't keep you warm at night has never been truer than it is today. –Mary JoRapini
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