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Number one reason for relationship woes: we are too tired to make it work

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Many times when couples are conflicted there is blaming inthe marriage. He did this, or she did that.

The new trend is not so muchblaming, but for lack of a better word, couples are tired. They let many issuesslide under the rug, and helpful words are never voiced. They are too tired toput up a fight, get engaged, or share intimacy.

The only intimacy eitherpartner experiences is with their child or their virtual friends.

Unfortunatelythis leaves a gap in their most intimate relationship with their partner. If weall could work less, or scale down this would help with the bills and incessantneed to do more, do it quicker and do it at all hours of the days.

The majorityof couples I counsel have less than one hour of "down time" built into theirschedule. This is especially true for women, and is why the relationship beginsto unravel.

When couples become too tired to care about their mostintimate relationships, those aren't the only relationships that are affected.

Usually their kids feel more rushed and pressured from the tension between momand dad and as it intensifies. Friends of the couple begin noticing theirritability between them.

It becomes a ripple effect because the relationshipswith our loved ones are where our greatest happiness comes from. It's not thestuff you buy, or the status you share in the community but your most intimaterelationships that make you feel connected, safe and secure.

Tiredness is alsolinked to depression and anxiety and therapists are seeing more and more ofthese emotions with their troubled couples. For one couple when I suggested a romantic get-away they both looked atme and said, "Oh no, who will plan that for us?" I curiously responded thatusually the couple enjoys planning these together to which they responded, "Wedon't have the energy."

A therapist can help guide you when your relationshipbecomes conflicted; however it is up to each couple to intervene with a changewhen they first notice problems.

If the couple can notice signs that theirrelationship is unraveling and work together to make changes before it worsens,therapy may not be necessary.  Below area few signs that your partner and you may need to prioritize your shared timebefore it unravels your relationship:

  1. Do you have at least 30 minutes built into yourday where you are with your partner engaging only with them?
  2. Do you think about your partner during the dayand make a point to communicate this to them?
  3. Does your partner still know you better thanyour child knows you?
  4. When you are afraid, excited, happy, and oranxious do you reach out for comfort from your partner first?

If you see yourself failing on any of these it would be wiseto begin making changes now. It doesn't require a lot of time, but it doesdemand that you put yourself and your partner before your work. If you haveonly minutes in the day to share, better you share those minutes with yourpartner. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. If you feel as though you cannot do it all, thenjob sharing is an option you should discuss with your employer. Flexible hourscan also help you feel less pressured at home and in your relationship.
  2. A text or email during the day when you arethinking about your partner takes only minutes, but provides a lot of securityinto your relationship.
  3. Single out at least one morning, afternoon orevening with your partner each week. This is not only good for yourrelationship, but does wonders for your emotional and physical health.
  4. If you are too tired for sex, make sure youstill touch your partner, hold their hand, and/or sit close to them. Theseactions are intimate and help you feel connected.
  5. A get-a-way doesn't have to be an exoticvacation. A simple overnight in a hotel, a day off from the kids, or a surpriselunch will suffice. Nothing can wake you up as much as reuniting with oneanother and enjoying the moment.

With the advancement of technology there is never a time wecannot work. This makes it imperative that couples reserve time for themselvesand their relationship.

All relationships require time, and if you are givingthe majority of your time to work and other projects leaving you too pooped tolove your partner, it is time to re-evaluate. The old saying that your workcan't keep you warm at night has never been truer than it is today. –Mary JoRapini

For more information or you FREEMONTHLY RELATIONSHIP TIPS: www.maryjorapini.com

Podcasts:

http://ustre.am/PLWS  Struggling withlow libido in your relationship

Married with small children at homeand keeping your relationship close http://traffic.libsyn.com/sexandintimacy/MJR_ep_01.mp3

Improving your body image http://traffic.libsyn.com/sexandintimacy/MJR_ep_04.mp3

Talk tome on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini

Tweetme: @MaryJoRapini

Join meweekday Mornings for "Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo" on Fox 26 Houston at 9A.M.

 

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