Children, parents and easy-access pornography - Houston weather, traffic, news | FOX 26 | MyFoxHouston

Gone are the days parents use to find a Playboy magazine hidden in their son's room. Whether it  was under the mattress or hidden among the trash, mom had an intuition about it and knew. Today's porn is different and it's a lot more dangerous. It's unlimited and the teens don't have to buy anything to view it. The porn is on their phone and they are capable of making
their own porn.   
Husbands may  get caught viewing porn, but the kids never do. They don't because they are more  adept at creating their own porn web sites and covering up their tracks. Sue  Berelowitz who is a Deputy Children's Commissioner in London reported that kids  are watching porn and enacting it. . It's not only happening in the UK. It's  happening in the U.S. and many other countries.
 Parents have no idea because kids can get  into anything they like on their phones and they are geniuses with technology  compared to most of their parents. Viewing pornography at such a young age  changes adolescent's ability to understand what is normal. The porn teens are  making is violent,
sadistic and very ugly reports Berelowitz.   
There is no way to know  what our adolescents will end up acting like if they become addicted to porn at  such a young age. We do know that outrageous pornographic video clips are  becoming a more common social activity among teens. According  to Norman Doidge in "The Brain that Changes itself," porn must grow more  shocking to please the viewer because once the brain views it; the porn loses  its ability to excite as much. The brain grows numb with the same stimuli after  awhile. These are kids, and kids aren't able to think of the consequences what  they are engaging in now will have on their life later.  Teens have always looked for more  outrageous ways to stand out among their friends, and if they can make a  deplorable forbidden or disgusting video they may feel "socially accepted" even  if it is for creating something disgusting.  
Teens  that are addicted to porn become socially anxious, depressed and awkward with  reality. They aren't able to secure a "real date" or even know how to flirt in  real life with someone. Many of them end up with erectile dysfunction while  still in their teens. If all you view is pornography and unrealistic sex you  won't be able to function normally and we have no idea how long the effect of  this will last.  
Perhaps  the worst part of all of this is that girls (and boys) within a couple years age  difference are the ones being emotionally and sexually exploited. Many of them  are sending nude photos of themselves, as well as video clips of them doing  violent acts with one another. Teens can coheres teens to do things that they  would never do with anyone else and all of this happens with the parents having  no idea.  
If you  are a parent, and you have a pre-teen or teen your ability to monitor whether  they are viewing porn is limited. They use incognito web sites, and they know  how to erase histories of where they have been. However, it is wise to raise  your awareness and to begin the discussion with your child.
Telling yourself that your child would  never do this only heightens the chance that they would, could or are.  If your child has a phone, they do have
 the opportunity, and being a teen they have the "know how."   
Suggestions  to begin the conversation would begin with monitoring your child's phone,  however due to the skill level of teens hiding the information,
opening a  dialogue will be the best approach.   
1.  Begin a  dialogue (a conversation) and stay away from threats and shaming. Parent's have  a belief that if they attack or make their child feel guilty the behavior will  stop. Teens addicted to porn are getting rewarded by watching it and the social  accolade they get from their peers. If parent's attack rather than talk, the  child will become more anxious and resort to
using porn to comfort that feeling.   
2.  Encourage  your child to seek other ways to cope with stress, their moods, and their  feelings. Things such as exercise, getting outside, connecting with others in  person, meditation, and focus on being there more
physically.   
3.  Teens  are hugged less often by their parents  than any other stage of a their development. The teen years are some of  the most challenging and therefore teens need more not less hugs from their  parents. Hugging your teen can help them feel reassured that they aren't bad;  they are suffering from an addiction.  
4.  The  worst part of a porn addiction for a teen or anyone else is the withdrawal from  others and the isolation the addiction demands. Since it is virtual and not  real, it is not fulfilling on an emotional level. The addicted person begins to  feel separate and they begin withdrawing from others they were once connected  to.  
5.  Talking  to your child about a real relationship and reinforcing real relationships with  them can make a huge difference. Explaining to them that porn actors or people  who partake in porn are creating illusions. They aren'
t interested in long  lasting, safe, intimate, and loving relationships.
Talking to your children  about this will go much further in helping them than shaming or ridiculing them  for watching porn.
Families  who are engaged and talk together discourage porn use naturally.
Encourage your  child to ask questions and be there to help answer them.
Take at least one day a  week for family dinner and make sure your presence is felt in your child's life.  Also, something as simple as being a good example or mentor of what a loving  intimate relationship looks like with your child's other parent can help.  The teen and pre-teen years are a  challenge for everyone in the family, but no other time in your child's life  will offer the opportunity to influence your child as much with a healthy loving relationship.

- Mary Jo Rapini