Robbins' Dream - Maintaining Sobriety

Former Oakland Raiders Pro Bowl center Barret Robbins is in the midst of a change of lifestyle that is critical to his survival.

He left a court-mandated Houston drug rehabilitation program last month and lives in a halfway house in his hometown while he develops his plans for what he is going to do next with his life.

The foundation of his existence will be his sobriety. Robbins, a former star at Sharpstown High School and TCU, is sober for the first time in years.

"I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired," Robbins said in an interview with FOX 26 Sports.

"When you get to a point where you are sick of jails, institutions, near-death experiences, things of that nature, God allows you to see things in a different light and he has for me."

Robbins made national headlines six years ago, when two days before Super Bowl 37, he disappeared. He missed the Raiders final preparations for Super Bowl 37 against Tampa Bay and Oakland went on to lose 48-21.

Robbins' catastrophic mistake was caused by his use of drugs and alcohol combined with the fact he is bi-polar, which at that point had not been diagnosed.

Six years later Robbins, for the first time, maintains Oakland would have won if he had played and does not believe he is trying to take too much of the blame.

"It's a hard thing to look back on because it was such a hard thing to over come," Robbins said.

"It was such a hard thing to forgive myself for. As much as you want to do it, forgive yourself that is, it's the hardest thing in the world to do.

"I felt that if I had played that game,we had a lot better chance to win. I felt we would have been able to win that game. It was an extremely exhausting event and put me down as far as I probably ever had to go at that point in my life."

Robbins, who was released by the Raiders in the summer of 2004, accepts the blame because he said he made all of the pass-protection calls and played a vital role in the Raiders running game at the time.

However, Robbins also said the disastrous results he had to deal with personally and professionally eventually put him on the road to recovery.

"I'm sorry for the fact that had to happen to me for me to grow in my life," Robbins said.

Robbins actions that weekend led to doctors diagnosing him with being bi-polar. However, it would take multiple run-ins with the law, stints behind bars, and trips to drug rehabilitation centers before he would finally feel in control of his life.

"When I had all the fame and the glory, I was truthfully a slave to drugs and alcohol," Robbins said. "I was bi-polar, not on medication at some points in time, undiagnosed for a long time.

"Drug addiction, alcoholism, and bi-polar go hand-in hand. I've seem to have gotten that under control. My medication is right. I'm a lot more happy for the things I do have right now at this point. I feel really good about my future."

And Robbins admits, in may ways, it's a miracle he is still alive.

"Oh, there's no doubt about that," Robbins said. "I've had many an accident, many a times in places where I found myself in the wrong position, wrong place and time.

"Having been there and done that I feel real good about the fact I'm breathing today."

Robbins still has pending litigation in Miami Beach where he was shot by police during an altercation in 2005. He has still two bullets inside him never removed since the incident. He said he can't tell his side of the story because he has filed a federal civil-rights lawsuit alleging Miami Beach police used excessive force.

While Robbins waits to see how that legal issue develops, he focuses on the future, not the past. However, his past affects his future. Robbins made millions of dollars while playing in the NFL but is penniless now and really can't explain why.

"When you are not responsible for your money as an adult, it shows how much you care about your life," Robbins said. "Obviously back then I didn't care that much about my life."

With his new lease on life, Robbins cares a great deal now.

"Things have come together where the simple things in life are making me more happy than I ever would have thought," Robbins said. "My sobriety is so important and it's number one in my life right now.

"It's very rewarding in very small ways and very small things that happen to you, but it's very rewarding for someone that's been through what I've been through."

Robbins views his future through dreams, not goals.

"Short-term goals are, for instance, when I go to bed at night I thank God for keeping me sober that day and when I wake up in the morning I ask him to keep me sober that day," Robbins said.

"Those are short-term goals that are every day and always. Goals are just dreams with deadlines."

And if telling his story helps just one person, that will satisfy one of Robbins' dreams.

"That would mean a great deal," Robbins said. "I would love for people to be able to look at my life and be able to get something out of it where they didn't have to